i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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