There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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