Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
