Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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