so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
