she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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