EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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