Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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