no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do herpes really smell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
