I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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