dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
