Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
areolas are like halos for boobs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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