Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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