Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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