i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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