Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there is glitter all over my balls
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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