you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
