I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
