i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
