I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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