brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you win again, gameday.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
