he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
