We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
