So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she looked like the before picture.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
