toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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