At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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