I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
