When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
