we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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