Cold hands, warm shart.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
