i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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