he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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