He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
