tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize