Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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