You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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