It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
