What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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