Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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