I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
