smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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