I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
