found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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