You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
