u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
