This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
