Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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