I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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