Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
