I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
