I showed him my bush... on skype.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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