so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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