Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
