My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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