With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she peed on how many people?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
