i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
