party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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