oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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