my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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