i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize