Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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