why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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