Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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