i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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