Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
do herpes really smell.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My breasts were aching with rage.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
