She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
