the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We named our party play list daddy issues
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
