So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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