every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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