Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
