This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
