Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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