no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
