bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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