Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize