literally had 100 drinks last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
