what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize