I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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